Or perhaps the real victim here is the men who are forced to wear them. As I once again spend the week observing a training session I am reminded of my first thought of when I sat in sales training a few weeks ago, these guys shoes are horrendous. Compared to women, men's dress shoe choices may not be as vast, but there are still options. For instance in a room of 10 men at this moment I see 8 or 9 totally different shoes, whether it be color, material, heel, cut, laces, etc. there is not one I would pull off the rack at the department store.
I think back to last weekend as I was mining (yes it's an appropriate verb) thru my laundry room and came upon a secret shoe cavern created by my boyfriend. Not only did I question where the shoes came from and when they got here, but they were so ugly I literally tossed them off the shelf with one finger as if they were covered in poo.
I guess I should pose some questions to the designers (ekk) of these high heel counterparts...
- Who?!?! Requires a giant rubber sole while at the office? I'm not sure the benefits of a rubber sole in general, but is the corporate carpet that treacherous that it warrants extra arch support??
- Now that this slip-on phenom has begun, who still has the time for laces? As I scan the fashion sense of my male co-workers I quickly rule out any and all pairs with laces... This isn't a wedding or 1932... Clean it up guys. Really.
- As for the slip-ons, what extra feature does elastic around the "tongue" provide? Is it to make you look sporty? I'm thinking it is just to tick me off....
- What goes thru a guys mind when he is selecting a dress shoe with a heel? Again these mostly come with the old timer laced jaunt - but really why a heel? It is not for height or to make your legs longer, so what gives?
- The faux boot/dress shoe.... I'm not even going to formally address it, but Boston I'm calling you out big time... and I know those don't work in the snow.
- Currently, I can count 3 varying levels of shine/sheen... Again what is the thought process here? Unless it is 1932 or if you work at a Speakeasy then there is no one waiting around to shine your shoes so why even bother. The in-betweener just looks messy and it very well could be someone (who still thought they were a 7 yr old little boy) bought the shiny pair ("ohhh shiny I want one" Corey Matthews) and is too lazy or doesn't live close enough to mommy to have them shined.. And I'm not even giving them grief because I wouldn't shine that shiz anyway, its 2010. Matte is the way to go for everyday - end of that reflective story.
From here on out I will dedicate at least 20mins of all trips to DSW to finding an acceptable pair of dress shoes. I'm not looking for a miracle, I know at least in my opinion men's footwear will always be ugly. (In part due to the large size, I even hate my own shoes being a size 9 & am constantly in fear of looking like I'm walking around on golf clubs instead of legs)
Men's fashion has drastically improved since my youth, but who decided to ignore shoes? Maybe, this is a new business venture I stumbled upon... Or maybe I'll just start to hate men's feet and will never be able to approve of an outfit again unless it includes flip flops or UGGs.
I must interject that is it 100% acceptable for guys to wear UGGs. Let me explain for those of you not acquainted with this trend. Growing up at the beach UGGs have always been a part of my life (I'm not really sure why, but we LOVE them)... Guys have always worn UGGs, they didn't even have them for women until the late 1990s. I always ask my boyfriend if I got him a pair, would he wear them. He always replies, "Yeah, if I had a pair like the slip-ons you have." The slip-ons I have and haven't worn since 2004 are CLOGS I asked for my senior yr of high school and are for teenage girls! They also have a fur trim around the top of the foot, why oh why would he ever want these? After he got this explanation enough, he then requested the shorty ankle boot - which I also have a pair of. NOOOOO, wearing ankle booty UGGs is not the manly decision here. The classic short is what guys wear, in sand, chestnut, or black. I would probably judge if I saw a guy rocking a chocolate pair so I left that off the list. Have I mentioned that UGGs are the best thing to wear when taking a nap... I'd schlep in from class back to my dorm and pass out immediately on my bed with my UGGs on = amazing. Go home and do it tonight! I swear it will be the best nap you've had since preschool.
Ladies, this holiday season take a look in your man's closet... Then when you're at the mall please help him out! Gents, before you leave the house tomorrow morning - take a glance down. If you snarl that is a sign to make a stop by the trash can on your way in that night and to do some online shopping... If I happen to find any non-hideous pairs I'll send them your way!
And since its holiday season lets all be thankful for the fall of zuma pants from the male wardrobe!
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