Towel gloves & Mop shoes?

At times I find my only solace in the office is the bathroom. It is a place where I can escape from my cube, give my eyes a rest, wrangle my anxiety in a confined space, and waste time until the bell rings. This week I have the pleasure of visiting the facilities on the main level, which one would assume would be high class as it is where visitors are directed. Well like the rest of the building this are automatic flushers, which is great if I didn't have to foot flush after or in place of. Then I just have a mild panic attack that it will never flush, then what will the person who walks in as I walk out think??!? This downstairs restroom also has fancy containers that are changed at predetermined intervals. I think they have recently be replaced as I have enjoyed a light citrus smell that I hadn't noticed until yesterday.

On to the topic at hand, the hand sanitizing device is empty, so I am left with old fashioned cleansing methods, which is no big deal - whatevs. However, as I stood practically in the doorway for 5 mins trying to get the paper towel to dispense from the "wave 'n dry", being handed tissue sized pieces to dry my hands I realize why they decided to title this product the way they did. Magically, my hands were dry! Not from the paper towels I worked up a sweat trying to obtain, but from the fact that I had waved my hands back and forth furiously enough to air dry them. Perhaps this is part of my company's attempt to go green? Who knows, but now I understand why there was a roll of paper towels on the counter.

Another observation I have made are droplets of liquid leading from the stall to the door or vice versa. Honestly, I am not too concerned with which direction it is going in, but more important who is responsible for this and why. Did someone really have to go? Were they rushed out of the stall at gunpoint mid-pee? I guess we'll never know. But its gross either way. I'm the type of person who cares wayyyyyyy to much what people think of me (reason why only 3 people know about this blog) so maybe it bothers me so much because I would never want someone to have the same feelings about this situation as I - back to my persistence regarding the flushing in public restrooms. Again, it is gross and I'm considering alerting the security guard in order to setup a stakeout & catch the culprit. What am I stepping in!!! I need to know...


Everyone should go through life as if there is a hidden camera following them at all times. This is what I do and hey misery loves company.

Victim of the Day: Mens dress shoes

Or perhaps the real victim here is the men who are forced to wear them. As I once again spend the week observing a training session I am reminded of my first thought of when I sat in sales training a few weeks ago, these guys shoes are horrendous. Compared to women, men's dress shoe choices may not be as vast, but there are still options. For instance in a room of 10 men at this moment I see 8 or 9 totally different shoes, whether it be color, material, heel, cut, laces, etc. there is not one I would pull off the rack at the department store.

I think back to last weekend as I was mining (yes it's an appropriate verb) thru my laundry room and came upon a secret shoe cavern created by my boyfriend. Not only did I question where the shoes came from and when they got here, but they were so ugly I literally tossed them off the shelf with one finger as if they were covered in poo.

I guess I should pose some questions to the designers (ekk) of these high heel counterparts...

- Who?!?! Requires a giant rubber sole while at the office? I'm not sure the benefits of a rubber sole in general, but is the corporate carpet that treacherous that it warrants extra arch support??

- Now that this slip-on phenom has begun, who still has the time for laces? As I scan the fashion sense of my male co-workers I quickly rule out any and all pairs with laces... This isn't a wedding or 1932... Clean it up guys. Really.

- As for the slip-ons, what extra feature does elastic around the "tongue" provide? Is it to make you look sporty? I'm thinking it is just to tick me off....

- What goes thru a guys mind when he is selecting a dress shoe with a heel? Again these mostly come with the old timer laced jaunt - but really why a heel? It is not for height or to make your legs longer, so what gives?

- The faux boot/dress shoe.... I'm not even going to formally address it, but Boston I'm calling you out big time... and I know those don't work in the snow.

- Currently, I can count 3 varying levels of shine/sheen... Again what is the thought process here? Unless it is 1932 or if you work at a Speakeasy then there is no one waiting around to shine your shoes so why even bother. The in-betweener just looks messy and it very well could be someone (who still thought they were a 7 yr old little boy) bought the shiny pair ("ohhh shiny I want one" Corey Matthews) and is too lazy or doesn't live close enough to mommy to have them shined.. And I'm not even giving them grief because I wouldn't shine that shiz anyway, its 2010. Matte is the way to go for everyday - end of that reflective story.

From here on out I will dedicate at least 20mins of all trips to DSW to finding an acceptable pair of dress shoes. I'm not looking for a miracle, I know at least in my opinion men's footwear will always be ugly. (In part due to the large size, I even hate my own shoes being a size 9 & am constantly in fear of looking like I'm walking around on golf clubs instead of legs)

Men's fashion has drastically improved since my youth, but who decided to ignore shoes? Maybe, this is a new business venture I stumbled upon... Or maybe I'll just start to hate men's feet and will never be able to approve of an outfit again unless it includes flip flops or UGGs.

I must interject that is it 100% acceptable for guys to wear UGGs. Let me explain for those of you not acquainted with this trend. Growing up at the beach UGGs have always been a part of my life (I'm not really sure why, but we LOVE them)... Guys have always worn UGGs, they didn't even have them for women until the late 1990s. I always ask my boyfriend if I got him a pair, would he wear them. He always replies, "Yeah, if I had a pair like the slip-ons you have." The slip-ons I have and haven't worn since 2004 are CLOGS I asked for my senior yr of high school and are for teenage girls! They also have a fur trim around the top of the foot, why oh why would he ever want these? After he got this explanation enough, he then requested the shorty ankle boot - which I also have a pair of. NOOOOO, wearing ankle booty UGGs is not the manly decision here. The classic short is what guys wear, in sand, chestnut, or black. I would probably judge if I saw a guy rocking a chocolate pair so I left that off the list. Have I mentioned that UGGs are the best thing to wear when taking a nap... I'd schlep in from class back to my dorm and pass out immediately on my bed with my UGGs on = amazing. Go home and do it tonight! I swear it will be the best nap you've had since preschool.

Ladies, this holiday season take a look in your man's closet... Then when you're at the mall please help him out! Gents, before you leave the house tomorrow morning - take a glance down. If you snarl that is a sign to make a stop by the trash can on your way in that night and to do some online shopping... If I happen to find any non-hideous pairs I'll send them your way!

And since its holiday season lets all be thankful for the fall of zuma pants from the male wardrobe!

One thing is for sure, energy certainly cannot be created

Happy Black Friday!

I should start by saying that this Thanksgiving was certainly unlike any I have ever had before. I started by day by waking up at 6am, hemming & hawing over what I should eat, if I should go back to bed, etc. Then around 7:30 I go to head out to run my first 7k and decide to take a gander out of the window. RAIN, of course! I hardly have appropriate winter running gear, let alone rain gear - who the hell does anything in the rain? I wake up my boyfriend to ask him what I should do (secretly hoping he tells me to go back to bed), I'm advised to throw on a rain coat and/or a poncho. Luckily, I have recently added both to my wardrobe since Baltimore is conveniently located in the middle of Seattle.

The entire drive downtown I am thinking - I can't believe its raining. I received an email about parking, yet no one has thought to email me about the rain. I'm going to catch a cold and become deathly ill - I have zero time off from my new job. Should I wear my raincoat or my poncho - both happen to be red so color choice was not part of the decision. I finally decide alright, the raincoat may be more uncomfortable and restricting - however it does provide warmth which a poncho does not. I choose the raincoat and head in to check-in for the race. Well, aren't I the cats meow running in my Steve Madden raincoat in a sea of devoted Under Armour patrons. Not only am I the most fashionable, but I decided that is was essential to keep my head dry during this potential disaster that is the Gobble Cobble Turkey Trot.

So I begin the race as little red riding hood, choosing to hang back to avoid early exhaustion which is what happened at my 5k the week prior. I quickly realize the rhythmic thumping of my hood on my hairline is going to drive me nuts before I'm even a 1/4 of a mile in and I lose the hood. Honestly, I could feel the other runners respect for me rise as soon as it fell onto my shoulders. Now I must deal with my hood strings jingle-jangling in front of my face - this is an issue that I had to revisit often throughout my run. However, my hood and fashionable raincoat quickly become concerns of the past when I realized why it is called the Gobble Cobble and not Gobble Gobble. I am now running in the rain on cobblestone! Cobblestone!!! If you have ever visit the Fells Point section of Baltimore, you can attest that the workmanship on these stones is not the best and you may even think half of them are missing. Now I am battling other runners for sidewalk space and praying I don't break an ankle 8mins in.

Out of Fells Point and onto the Inner Harbor, which happens to be one of my faves. All the while I have been encouraged by Baltimore's finest who happen to be blocking the road and directing me - both of which I am greatly appreciative for. I now reach the end of the race, alive and with my super fancy raincoat tied around my waist. I'd love to share the time I finished in (especially because I think it is 15mins faster than what I allowed myself) but I was never told a time. I am praying it is put on the website sometime before next Thanksgiving. Or I'll just lie and tell everyone I finished in 20mins and am the next Steve Prefontaine.

I drag myself back to Howard county to then immediately shower and head to MoCo for thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving goes on and on, somehow I am still awake and walking - although I wished for neither. Finally make it home, pass out, wake up on the couch - go to bed, pass out... Wake up this morning for WORK (on the holiest of all holy days) and still feel like half of myself is missing.

The energy I exuded yesterday during my run.... I'd like to know where it is and who the hell stole it because it certainly is no longer with me. So here I sit at work - alone, tired & wishing I had eye drops. Sure I get to leave in an hour, but I must drive directly to the metro (I loathe the metro even more than a real train) and proceed to the nation's capital to watch the great Alexander Ovechkin embarrass some Canadians. And while I should sound pumped, especially since we have box seats - all I can think about is the absurd metro ride home and then the drive home. I get metro sick, and it doesn't help when 4000 of your closest friends hop on, reeking of beer, and screaming about a sport they don't even understand.

All the while my poor adorable puppy waits at home alone. Well hopefully she's at home because I overheard coworkers talking about a dead dog on the side of rt 100... I already ambushed them with a zillion questions as to the location, type of dog, size of dog, etc. It really couldn't be Sophie unless she was headed to Annapolis for some reason and if this kid thinks a Yorkie is a mid-sized dog.

I know she doesn't have my energy since I had to drag her out of bed this morning for a walk. So where is it? Huh Mr. Newton? I need to know and I refuse to wait until Sunday evening to find it.

Either way I hope there is a bed in the box at Verizon Center because it has my name all over it....

Through the Static

This posting is dedicated to 2 of my best friends, Lauren & Stephanie. I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with those classy broads and let me tell you what a time it was. Despite my nagging corporate hangover on Friday, I was able to make it up to Steph's new pad without much incident. We then proceed to do what we have done for basically every meal since the 9th grade: pizza, mozzarella sticks & something to spice it up a bit - this time it was garlic knots.

Now if you don't know us or anyone from New Jersey you may not truly understand how important this is. I currently live in Maryland and although I passionately love crab cakes, they are NOT pizza and for the longest time I didn't even think Italians lived anywhere in the state. They just don't understand. In college I worked at a pizza place/bar and it was a week before I exasperatingly yelled, "WHERE DO YOU GUYS MAKE THE PIZZA?!?!?". I was directed to the conveyor belt oven where I had been heating up dinner rolls for the past 7 days, yuck.. The conversation went from there... ok so that is where you cook it, but where do you make it? The response, "Ha, Cortney wants us to throw a pizza up in the air"... yeah because that is how you make one.... Well where do you make the sauce? It's delivered,we don't have time for that... Really? because I don't see anyone in here.. and no I absolutely do not want to try a slice... Oh wait, you don't even sell it by the slice... Where in the H am I?

Now that you have an understanding of the obsession we can move on. Unfortunately, I passed out in the middle of Fashion Police and ended up spending the night on the couch, in my leggings, and not in Stephanie's luxurious bed.

The next morning I frantically try get ready to head to Lauren's while trying not to realize I haven't really slept in 3 days and that not only am I still hungover from Thursday but I absolutely reek of garlic... Which could be good or bad, I'll let you decide.

We arrive at Laurens mere minutes before our train is supposed to leave (we'll cover my complete fear/disdain for locomotives at a later date). We proceed to call our favorite freckled friend time & time again with no answer. Now in my head, I have had Lauren killed either by an intruder, or slipped in the bathtub - I instantly regret not getting her an 'I've fallen and I can't get up' necklace for her 24th birthday. Lauren emerged from the bushes & we sprint to the train, without fail Stephanie breaks a heel. This then lead to an impromptu shoe cobbling session at the Penn Station Duane Reade. Like I said never a dull moment...

We then head into the street to trek to Spa H like a 'banged up sex & the city' (thank you Jacqueline Laurita!) I realize through all of this plus my growing nausea that we have not stopped laughing, especially when we decided to snuggle into two seater for our train ride across the river.

Needless to say the excitement didn't end there... Lauren was asked by her masseur how deep she wanted it and if not too limp was okay... After massages the eating began! That (and the mimosas) is where the real excitement lies. We ate all the way from Murray Hill into the West Village and of course back over to the Jersey side... (different river than Bruce was talking about, but he wouldn't mind the comparison)

Even though we have become rapidly aging old women (myself being the eldest of the bunch) we had a great time and got to bed at a great time as well. Once again I was too tired to actually make it into Lauren's bed, although this time I had taken out my contacts & changed out of my pants for the day.

Being friends for so long, we have been through a lot together & have had out fair share of trials and tribulations. I must mention we are not the sole unit here, we were missing 2 or 3 counterparts and I know the day would have been even better if they were there. But through all the BS, drama, & cosby's there is the laughter. Sitting on the train ride home, we reminisced about cheerleading: the cheers, the fun & the betches - and through it all, no matter how it was then, at that moment we were there together and even though they are in Princeton, Aberdeen, Barnegat, or Maryland we are still all together.....

I thank my friends for ensuring that I am able to see, hear & live through the static...

introducing the often imitated, never duplicated...

I hope everyone liked the Aladdin reference to get the blog started off on the right foot...

I suppose I should explain what I'm doing here and why I am doing it. I was introduced to blogs during my graduate studies in Instructional Systems Design as a way to network and include interaction in learning. Now that I look back I suppose I was an avid blogger back in 2004 with the invention of Xanga. I would come home from school during my senior year of high school - wait for my dial up to connect, log into AIM, and then unleash my days worth of thoughts on the unfortunate subscribers of my xanga page.

The identity and location of that online journal will never be disclosed, or even searched for that matter, mainly because my ego can't handle it. I remember in probably 2006 going in and searching for my Xanga successfully. The things I read there will forever haunt me and have left scars, that luckily only ones I seem to care about. This wasn't just a teenage venting, it was a full on assault on anyone and everything that crossed my path - including my best friend. I suppose the 17 yrs I had spent in NJ up until that point made me what one would consider abrasive, in-your-face, & over-confident. Within a year of being in MD I realized my behavior and that of many people in my life was down right mean. And the worst part of it all was that the best friend mentioned above never seemed to care or be hurt by my unwavering honesty. Either I was obviously right in my opinions (ha!) or she had not yet found her 'in-your-faceness'. And to avoid going down an all too familiar road, I will say this and only this about that situation: The roles have certainly changed, I would not be surprised if I did stumble upon a blog by this individual bashing me and my life choices. I can't say that I wouldn't deserve it, if it were not merely for the sake of revenge. But, then again I must admit how proud I am of the person I have become since leaving NJ 6 yrs ago. Friendship conquers all and at some point every person is sick & tired of being sick & tired. That concept is something I can promise will be a recurring theme.

Wow! My apologies for rambling but there is a lot to catch you up on and the ADD is on blast as I sit in my 3rd day of observing sales trainings at work. I'm sure they are loving my constant typing at the moment.

Anywho, I will be on here from time to time to express thoughts, opinions, and ideas. Part of the draw of starting a blog is fact that for now noone knows it exists. I can say whatever I please without some closed-minded tool from my 1st grade class tearing into me on facebook. (big fan of defriending as of late)

Back to my story above, once I got to Towson University, discovered my Xanga page & threw up emotionally & literally for quite some time I decided to use my powers for good not evil. From there I became an English major and let me tell you that does not lead to any type of employment unless you are using your powers for evil. Eh, you win some, you lose some.

Keep it classy ladies & gents, until next time....